This past week I was on vacation. I experienced the glories of PTO and eating ice cream every day.
My grand return to work (and, arguably, my life) could be summed up in this interaction:
Me: walking onto the floor after a week of sun on the lake. Face full of freckles, sunburn turned to “tan,” spring in my step, refreshed, smile on my face.
Coworker immediately upon seeing me: “What happened to your face? It’s all red.”
*giant balloon deflating*
I choose to find great humor in my life, and it does me good, based on the fact that situations like this are my bread and butter.
Something I find humorous: INFOMERCIALS.
HOW HAVE I HAD A BLOG FOR OVER 3 YEARS AND NOT TALKED ABOUT INFOMERCIALS? Shame.
I am truly AMAZED at infomercials. Mainly, their uncanny ability to make simple, daily tasks look immensely difficult.
“Pouring pasta into the pot got you down?”
BLACK AND WHITE SCREEN
*middle aged woman with strained facial expression attempts to pour a box of spaghetti into a pot of boiling water, spaghetti crashes everywhere but the pot, woman throws up her hands in desperation*
*previously distraught woman is now smiling brightly, product in hand*
“WORRY NO MORE – TRY THE PASTAFINA. PASTA IN A FLASH!”
*boring, drawn out demonstration of product’s multiple uses*
“BUT WAIT!” *explanation of EXCLUSIVE deal only available RIGHT NOW*
*repeats deal an unnecessary amount of times*
Somehow, EVERY TIME, against my better judgement, the thought always creeps in. YOU KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT. Don’t deny it.
“WOW. Pouring pasta IS really difficult!” (despite the fact that I, a huge klutz, have never failed to pour pasta into a pot of boiling water). For a split second EVERY TIME, I am powerless against the influence of the infomercial and think “I DO need that!” until sense washes over me again. It’s truly baffling. Because there’s enough people who let that dangerous thought linger, and subsequently, these companies actually make money.
Like I said, AMAZED.
I carry this sense of amazement with me everywhere possibly as a result of my incessant question asking throughout childhood. Us youngest children really know how to get to the bottom of things by asking WAY too many questions. Or quite possibly, I carry it as a result of living on this earth, because people and the world we inhabit are FASCINATING.
I have many questions constantly burning in the back of my mind, but for the sake of brevity, I will only share two with you that have struck me in recent weeks.
- Is there an unspoken but widely known rule that if you drive a pick-up, you are required to ferociously ride the bumper of whoever you are driving behind? This rule HAS to exist because it is STEADFASTLY obeyed by truck drivers everywhere, and I, the victim, have taken notice. I can be tootling along on residential streets or cruising at 83mph in the left lane on the interstate. It doesn’t matter. Trucks are ALL UP IN MY BIZ-NASS and I gotta say, I’m not okay with it. I see you, Ford F150.
- Who cleans up road kill? I have always wondered this. Whose job is it to retrieve smelly animal carcasses from the streets of society? There has to be somebody working for the government who gets stuck with that job. But I’ve never seen that person, and I want to know who they are. WHO ARE YOU AND WHEN DO YOU DO IT? Curiosity killed the cat and also wants to know who cleaned up the cat after he died in the road. WOW. Sorry. I went from ice cream to dead cats and I honestly have no explanation for how we got here.
If anyone has real answers to these questions, it would be greatly appreciated.
(It would also be greatly appreciated if you didn’t hold the whole dead cat thing against me. Thx xoxo.)